Afraid of Death...

Sometimes he forces us away from him. He tries to make us angry. He tries to make his girl angry too.

We talked about it one day on chat. He told me that if we are angry at him, if we are mad at him, if she is angry with him and then he dies over there we won't cry for him. We won't feel the loss. And yet he knows that's not true either.

He has told me - and this is incredibly hard to write about or talk about - that he is afraid of death. He doesn't want it to take him. Not because he'll feel anything after, if it were to happen.

He's afraid of the pain and hurt it would cause those of us who love him and care about him. He thinks about that and it tears him up inside. So in a strange stupid sort of way he's trying to protect all of us from a pain that's worse than the long seperation we've all had to endure up to this point.