I've concluded...

(Email from Iraq...)

"I was thinking, and what I have concluded is. I love her, I always have and I always will - I know this, I think everyone knows this. I just wish it was easier I guess.

"It sounds wierd but I just wish I didnt love her so much. It's so incredibly hard to love her - it hurts too much.

"I think about her in the morning and at night, all the time. I think of the next thing I want to say to her or do with her. I think of special things I can do for her. I think "is what I am doing right now going to make her proud of me or disappointed." I daydream all the time, and people ask me what I am thinking about. people notice when I'm lost in my thoughts.

"I have her pictures everywhere. I have a lock of her hair. I re-read letters and emails constantly. I wish I was there to protect her, I wish I could help her with things, I need to be there. I want so badly just to hold her in my arms and not let go.

"Sometimes I dont think she cares for me, but then I get an "I love you", and it all just washes away. She makes me calm, excited, nervous, happy and sad all at the same time. and then I keep hearing of how we have to stay an extra 3 months even up to 6 months and it hurts all that much more.

"Everyday I wish that she hadn't broken up with me, and I know what has happend can't be undone, and it will take time for me to get over it. and I will.

"I can remember clothes she has worn, I can remember all the times that I tried to ask her out and then chickend out. and I vividly remember the day that I went down to the phone station to talk to her, and she didnt want to talk to me.

"I just want to come home.

"Ok now I am rambling like you do, thanks for allowing me to inherit that disease. Anyway I need sleep, goodnight"